


Cardigan

by Telescopedean



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Album: folklore (Taylor Swift), Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Caring James T. Kirk, Emotionally Hurt Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Established James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Inspired by Taylor Swift, James T Kirk - Freeform, James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy Friendship, James t Kirk is bisexual, James t Kirk is in love with bones because i said so, James t Kirk/Leonard McCoy - Freeform, Kinda domestic vibes, Leonard McCoy is gay, M/M, Married James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy, POV Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Sad!Leonard McCoy, Song: cardigan (Taylor Swift), Star Trek - Freeform, Star Trek: AOS, Stream evermore by taylor swift, angst but the walmart version, little bit of cringe but its okay, low quality angst because all i know how to write is angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28495971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telescopedean/pseuds/Telescopedean
Summary: “How’re you feeling now?”  Jim whispers.“Like an old cardigan, under someone's bed.” Leonard grumbles.Jim laughs and he kisses his lips softly before saying, “well then I’ll put you on because you’re my favourite cardigan.”
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	Cardigan

**Author's Note:**

> Cardigan is one of my favourite Folklore songs, I remember streaming it all day long two weeks ago and I knew I had to write a fic based on it. This is my attempt at a short angsty fic because pure fluff is hard for me. The only thing that you should be warned about is the mention of character death, although these deaths aren't of main characters they still may hit home for some people. There are also descriptions of anxiety attacks. Other than that, the only other warning is my shitty writing, keep in mind I took two weeks to write this because of procrastination. This fic was meant to give off a protective and comforting vibe, but I'm not sure that I accomplished that. I really appreciate feedback as I am just a teenager with a cup of coffee and a laptop. Thank you and enjoy. Oh, also kudos and comments are something I always appreciate and feel free to share the link to this fic on Tumblr or Twitter.

Leonard’s chest is tight and his breath is ragged. He’s standing inside his office in medbay, paperwork in front of him. His hands are shaking and he can feel tears forming in his eyes. It feels almost like he can’t breathe, the noise in medbay is getting overwhelmingly louder. Everything feels hectic and bright. The lights in his office are dim and at fifty percent. He is quietly wishing that this feeling would go away, this feeling he’s seen in more than a thousand patients. He knows that he is having a panic attack because every symptom aligns. He looks back down at the paperwork and he curses under his breath. He’s still shaking and his breathing is getting more laboured. _Come on breathe Leonard, breathe._ He takes a deep shaky breath. He thinks about how this is stupid, about how he told himself he wouldn’t get emotional. He can’t _afford_ to get emotional. He told himself that he wouldn’t let this get to him, and for a while, it didn’t. 

He was given a case almost identical to his fathers, and a chance to figure out how to cure the condition. It didn’t help that he also had the same name, and was the same age as his father. He tried everything he could to cure him, he prayed to God that he could figure out a way to stop the pain. For a while, some things worked, pain killers, and other treatments. He felt confident in himself, as he was getting closer to a cure. He bit his lip and pushed his feelings down; he tried to hide his hope. Then the meds stopped working and he couldn’t do anything more. He watched as the light in that man's eyes faded each day, till the light was gone entirely. 

Leonard looks up at the clock on the wall, it's the end of his shift. He puts his pen down and exits medbay as fast as he can, ignoring the nurses and the people walking by. He takes fast calculated steps and he tries to hide his face. The last thing he needs right now is everyone seeing him cry like a goddamn child. He reaches his quarters swiftly and he heads in towards the couch. 

His hands are laying in his lap, and he’s trying not to think. Trying not to think about that patient he couldn’t save, about the defeat in that man's voice. The hopeless feeling of not knowing what to do, as the light faded from his eyes. About his age and name on the top of those files he needs to fill out. He pours himself a glass of whiskey with shaky hands and takes a long sip. 

Jim is on his way towards Leonard. He walks through the dimmed halls and passes medbay. He knows that Leonard is not there. He heads towards their shared quarters and stops in front of the door, feeling as if Leonard needs to be the one to invite him in. Leonard can see Jim’s shadow from under the door, he thinks about all the times he was there for Jim. Every dumb mistake, he was there for him. Leonard was there when nobody believed in Jim. He was there when everyone assumed Jim knew nothing, all because he was young. He was there for Jim when he was drunk under a street light, dancing in his Levi’s. He realizes he needs his best friend to be there for him, that Jim wants to be there for him. Leonard stands up, he opens the door and Jim comes in silently. He joins Leonard on the couch and places his hand on Leonard’s cheek. He's looking over the planes of his face, Leonard watches as Jim's gleaming eyes meet his brown ones. He’s looking into Jim's deep blue eyes, then to his eyebrows, then his blonde hair that falls into place like dominoes. Grounding himself in a way, telling himself that Jim is there. Jim knows why he is angry, why that patient was different. Leonard reacts, shutting his eyes and lets out silent sobs. His forehead leaning against Jim’s, and his hands gripping tightly on Jim's vintage tee. Jim holds him, trying his hardest to wipe away the tears falling from his cheeks as he instructs him to breathe with him.

“Come on sweetheart, breathe with me.” There is a moment where Leonard's breath steadies, and he feels strong enough to take another sip of his whiskey.

“Hey sweetheart, Bones, this isn’t your fault,” Jim whispers. “This was never your fault.”

Leonard lets out a laugh that feels pathetic to him, he shakes his head. This feels embarrassing to him, not because he is there crying in front of Jim. But because for the second time, he let his emotions get in the way of his job.

“I’m a doctor and I couldn’t figure out how to cure this goddamn disease. I thought that I could figure it out, figure _something_ out,” Leonard offers Jim a drink which he declines, before taking a sip of his own. “All because I’m young and thought I knew everything about medicine?” He places the glass down, before looking into Jims eyes again.

He feels helpless and dumb and angry. He can’t express anything else, but he’s tired and he's glad to be in the arms of the man he loves. Jim holds Leonard's hands in his own, and he kisses his palm.

“You trusted yourself, you did the best you could.”

“I trusted myself to save people because I had faith in myself,” He says it like it's a lie, that the faith he had in himself was a lie. He puts his hand on the side of Jims neck. “Do _you_ trust me?” 

It's a sincere question and he wants to know if Jim trusts him as a doctor. Not just as a lover and as a best friend. Jim smiles and nods, he kisses Leonards cheek. 

“I trust you, in every way imaginable.” Leonard rolls his eyes, and Jim swipes away strands of overgrown hair from Leonard's eyes. “You need a haircut and a shower.”

Leonards rolls his eyes again although he knows it's true, he had been working so hard he had failed to take care of himself. Missing his hair appointment because he was working so hard on an idea he should’ve known was going to fail. He laughs out loud thinking about it, and looks at his husband who’s hair is cut nicely.

“Do _you_ want to cut my hair?” Leonard jokes.

Jim rolls his eyes this time and kisses the tip of Leonard's nose.

“Alright, I’ll stop nagging my husband.’’ As Jim goes to give Leonard a cocky smirk, he notices Leonard looking a bit uneasy still. He places his hand again on his cheek and kisses his lips. “You are an excellent doctor and an amazing husband. Our jobs are hard, we lose people sometimes, but you amaze me everyday because you try so hard to give those people a fighting chance. And _that_ is one of the reasons I love you, so much.” Jim's nose brushing against Leonard's nose as their foreheads lean together, makes the moment seem even more real. Leonard runs his fingers through Jim's hair, before pulling him down for another soft and passionate kiss. They both let out little giggles and Leonard smiles against Jim's mouth.

“Thank you.” he whispers.

“I know this is hard...maybe some downtime will help?” Jim asks.

Leonard nods once and watches as Jim gets up to find a blanket. As he’s watching Jim smile and pick up a knit blanket, he realizes that even after all these years he is still his best friend. He is the same best friend he had the first year at the academy, the same friend who made stupid jokes when he was sad; drank whiskey with him on the weekends; the same man he fell in love with. He thinks about how long he’s known Jim. He knows James like a best friend, and it sometimes seems so childish how much he loves him. Even though Jim will never know how to help Leonard face his fathers death and all the pain that comes along with it. He knows how to make him smile and what makes him laugh, and what makes him feel special. Jim wraps the knit blanket around them both as he pulls Leonard onto his lap. They wrap their limbs around each other, finding a comfortable position. Leonard starts Nuzzling his face into the crook of Jim's neck, and he lets out a sigh that makes him feel relaxed. Although he still feels tired and stupid, he just wants to be held by Jim. 

“How’re you feeling now?” Jim whispers.

“Like an old cardigan, under someone's bed.” Leonard grumbles. 

Jim laughs and he kisses his lips softly before saying, “well then I’ll put you on because you’re my favourite cardigan and I'll draw stars around your scars."

This is all that Leonard needs, he needs to be with Jim. No matter if they are kissing in cars or downtown bars, or sitting on the couch in their quarters crying about the day they just had. Leonard knows that when he feels like an old cardigan under someone's bed, Jim will always be there to tell him that he is his favourite. That is enough for now, and for always.


End file.
